Stories I've only told once.

So I've been thinking about how I probably won't stay in this Condo much longer. Which is a natural assumption I think. I'm in a temporary stage of life (aren't most 'stages' in life temporary?); and I never intended on staying here for very long. This imminent change seems more tangible right now than ever. On this note, I want to remember what it was like. What happened here, who was involved and how I felt. Right now I'm thinking about my neighbors.
Catercorner to us is a sweet old Russian lady. Well I think she's Russian. I'm not certain about that, but she talks on her phone a lot. And she's always yelling! I can never tell if she's pissed or if that's just the way she speaks. She lives alone, but frequently has, who I assume to be, family over. Occasionally I'll see her walking around the complex. She has a sweet little grandma face and speaks little to no English. I ran into her once right after we moved in. A water main had broken and all the water in the complex had been shut off. She just looked at me and said, "water..." I tried to explain that it would turn back on later. I suppose she understood enough because she smiled and waved and walked away. There used to be a car that would pick her up and drop her off every day. Some where along the line that stopped, I never see it any more.
Directly across from us lives a single man, late twenties, a school teacher named Michael. We first met him when we purchased a new couch. In the store, I was convinced that I would be able to carry it and get it all the way up the stairs and into the condo. I'm wiry after all! Needless to say, there was NO way I was getting it off the truck bed let alone all the way to our condo. So Andrew knocked on his door, explained the situation, and with no hesitation Michael simply said, "Let me get my shoes on." The boys skillfully worked the couch up stairs and placed it in front of the t.v. where it belongs. Where upon I offered him something to drink. He took the water I gave him, and proceeded to stay and talk to us for another forty-five minutes. Which is really no big deal, except there was really nothing to talk about. He was standing there awkwardly in our living room saying things like, "So I see you ride a bike..." I think he is lonely. I've baked him cookies a couple times. He plays loud music, but is otherwise quiet. Except every now and then I'll hear him yell, "What the F--- was that?!" The first time he did it I was home alone, so it made me nervous to hear a man yelling. But now if I hear him, it just makes me laugh a little to myself. Love you Mike!
And then there is Amber... This might take a while folks... Our tall, skinny, beautiful, charming down-stairs neighbor. To be completely honest, I think we were meant to be friends, but I ruined it. She's super sweet and outgoing and we happen to have a lot in common. But there were a series of events that seemed to push our potential friendship out of the picture. We first met her the day she moved in. She walked right up to us and introduced herself and the two people with her - her boyfriend (now husband), and her sister. We would run into each other, as would be expected living so closely to each other, and chat when we did. It only took about six months, however, before we got the first of several complaints. A note on our door step saying that she was a hairdresser and so had a very sensitive sleep schedule and could we please keep the noise down... What?! First of all, SHE might have one, but hairdressers, as a group, DO NOT have a sensitive sleep schedule. Second, we really didn't realize we were making noise. She was actually very sweet about it, and even suggested we trade phone numbers so if we ever needed anything we could get a hold of her. So I wrote her an amicable note back apologizing. "We didn't realize we were making so much noise and of course we'll trade phone numbers! Oh and it's awesome that you're a hairdresser, so am I!" That sort of thing... I was more embarrassed at that point than anything.
There was one defining moment of shame for me. One day we were both walking home from our cars, I greeted her, she said 'hi' and kept walking all the way to our front doors in silence. She called me the next day and left a message apologizing for snubbing me and asked if I wanted to come over some time for coffee/tea and we could get to know each other better. Well, for no particular reason, I never called her back. I can blame it on various things going on in my life. But the fact that I never called her has always been a point of shame. And I think I may have set the tone for the rest of our relationship.
Then there was a period of time where she was gone and we didn't see her for a long time. Well, turns out she was away getting married. I'm sure she was a gorgeous bride! Here I think I should interject that Andrew and I are some of the most boring people I know. We don't throw crazy parties, we don't stay up late, or listen to anything very loud. (Not that those are the only ways to have/be fun. But the point is, we're fairly quiet.) Not long after the new hubby moved in, we received a phone call on the one night we actually had people over. It was the moment AFTER everyone had left at about 10:00 pm. Understandable...maybe. Then about two months later we received another note wanting us to keep the "stomping and walking around" down. So I wrote another amicable note back explaining that when you have people living above you, you will hear them walking around. But the best and most recent complaint, was one evening Andrew was playing with Frank (our puppy). Our neighbor boy came all the way up-stairs, knocked on our door, and asked Andrew if we were ok... yeah, we're ok. "oh, ok, I just heard like a constant rumbling and wanted to make sure you were alright." So now, my thinly veiled frustration at his passive-aggression is...obvious. But I don't really know what we are supposed to do at this point. I missed my chance to make friends, and now they hate us so much I don't know if I can ever make it right. So confusing!!
So, there it is... My neighborhood experience for the first two years of living in our condo. The cute the funny and the ugly. I'll take any suggestions as to how to approach my down-stairs neighbors. I want to be a kind, considerate neighbor! But I'm too socially awkward to know what to do...
That's it for now!

Matrix theory

This entry may quickly remove any credibility I may or may not have had. This has been a thought bouncing around in my head for some time. I've shared it with a couple people. Mostly the reaction is something like, "ok. I guess I get that." So, I suppose this is a disclaimer to say: I know I sound crazy. And I know there are many philosophical points I may be negating. And hopefully anyone reading this will leave any commentary or arguments they wish.
Moving on...

I really feel like life is like the Matrix. No, I do not think that I'm really in a pod being incubated by A.I. for energy. I don't believe the Matrix is real. It's more a parallel to how I feel right now than anything.

To explain...

In the Matrix, when Neo takes the pill (red or blue I can't remember) he is enlightened to reality, life as he knew it took a completely different form and meaning. What he had known to be true his entire life was in fact an illusion. It was not truth. Where upon receiving this truth, Neo could then manipulate his experience in the Matrix. I.e. Leaping over buildings, dodging bullets, etc...
In this sense, I have been enlightened to truth. I understand the reality of human design. We have purpose outside of what we would choose if left to our vices. My world view will never be a "normal" one because I will always filter everything through this truth.
Now then, when the people enlightened to the reality of the Matrix reentered (by way of plugging themselves in), and were by chance shot or harmed in other ways, their mind could not distinguish experience from reality. They knew their bodies were safely back in the chairs. But the sensory experience of a bullet rupturing their body was too overwhelming and their minds convinced their bodies that they were dead.
Similarly, I live in this world, regardless of what I know about it. I have experiences of happiness as well as of pain. I know that when I have pain that is inflicted by another person, it is not necessarily the person that is my enemy. It is a source outside of who that person was meant to be - possibly human nature. I know my worth and stability can never come from another human. But there are experiences so overwhelming that the reality of truth outside that experience seems nigh impossible. People, what they say and do, affect me. Experiences and my surroundings affect me. My own thoughts affect me! Very often so much so, that my mind cannot override and distinguish experience from reality.
I guess, simply put, reason and logic don't always address or coincide with emotions.
Too long in my life did I completely stifle my emotions. I looked only at what I knew to be true, no matter what I felt about it. Feelings, after all, can be very deceiving! Can be. But aren't always. God gives us emotion on purpose. He wants us to have sensory experience. And I do believe women have very acute senses or intuition about certain situations. However, emotions are a good indicator, not a reliable guide. (A wise woman once told me that. Thanks Lil B.)
For anyone that may be reading this, I apologize for my jumbled thoughts. I'm learning. And hope to always continue learning. So if anyone has any input, I would love to hear it. Even if it's just to tell me I'm nuts. I'll take it.